By 
As a kid I went through a period of being scared of the dark – terrified in fact. I would leave my bedroom lights on all night scared of the fantastical creatures my mind conjured up, I was frightened of the unknown, frightened of what may or may not be lurking in the dark.
The unknown is enough to stop the bravest and most diligent among us from progressing with our life and goals unless we get a grip on the real culprit which in most cases is fear.
Fear of failure, of loss and rejection, fear that the pillars of belief we hold so dear and have shaped our life around were totally false and are erected on untrue or misleading information.
We all feel fear at some point in our life, some intermittently others as a permanent way of living – but this doesn’t mean you should yield to it, quite the opposite stands, with a slight shift in the way you think fear can be made into an alliance, a partner on the road to success.
Make fear your friend because without it most of us wouldn’t get out of our comfort zone and are doomed to live a life of mediocrity, fear of rejection is by far the most soul robbing trait you can inflict upon yourself, fearing rejection will rob you of business and personal success, a life without limits and more importantly experiences that will help not only yourself but everyone that you come into contact with.
Dragons Den:
Before successfully getting the first televised “investment” from James Caan on the Dragons Den T.V show for my pioneering gold plating business, I had already turned down the offer to appear on the show twice before, both times I had the chauffeur driven car outside my house ready to bring me to the studios and both times I told the car that I was not coming and to go away, “it’s not me your looking for” I told myself.
At the time of considering going onto the Dragons Den I was franchising my company and the very same lawyer a lovely lady named Nina Moran Watson desperately tried to dissuade me “they will make a fool out of you, they will ridicule and destroy your business!” She said. Nina Moran Watson couldn’t have been more against me making a personal appearance on the famed show – similarly there were other “professional” people around me at the time that were also in absolute disbelief and horror that I had even considered the possibility of daring to go on to the Dragons Den and expressed similar concerns, I eventually started to think in the same way as they did – their fear had infected me!
After twice turning down the Dragons Den show through “fear” of being used, being disgraced or something of a similar nature, a series of life changing and affirming events took place with the most profound being the death of my dear friend Mark McKenzie.
Mark McKenzie was a very good looking and talented man – he was also arrogant and cocky but to me and a few select people he was the best and most loyal friend you could ever have – Mark was a singer, a poet, sportsperson and great with children – on the face of it he was a rounded individual a bit troubled but a well matched friend, physically and mentally – we always said before I was married that together we covered all tastes, the girls that liked dark skin men like me and the other girls that liked the fairer skin type like Mark… I know.. very shallow.
What let Mark down was that he didn’t believe in himself as much as people like me believed in him as he would always pass on an invitation to do some modelling or to get up on stage and sing a song he had written and composed, with all due respect Mark was a star, free and clear – but what Mark didn’t understand was that he was a bedroom star, a star within his own four walls – too shy and too scared to share with the world his amazing gifts of music and poems – scared to share his life affirming thoughts to the masses.
Mark died mysteriously in a burning car in the middle of a field, somewhere hundreds of miles from his home and to this day his death is unexplained and remains a mystery, but his life and death changed my own life for the better, you see when Mark was alive he never ever could put aside the fear of going on to a stage and sharing his music with others, fearful of the response, fearful of rejection, fearful, fearful, fearful and now his physical body was dead along with his goals and dreams.
Even if Mark wanted to do all the things he was too scared of doing while alive, it was now too late.
When Mark died we had not spoken for around a year and the very day I decided to make my peace with him was the same day they found him dead. I will never forget the feeling of loss and pain that I felt arriving at his home to see flowers laid outside his door, not quite believing it was true, that it was a mistake, I even tried to call his number to see if he would pick up refusing to get my head around the soul destroying fact that my friend had gone and was never coming back.
There were many times I had wanted to pass by Mark’s house and see him but pride always got in the way, I remember thinking “I’ll see him on the road somewhere when I’m driving and I’ll stop my car jump out and embrace him,” but I never did and the next time I was near to Mark was at his funeral as one of his pall bearers.
This experience hit home to me that when you die that’s it, anything you were too scared of doing dies with you – your goals, aspirations and dreams to a large extent can not be achieved unless you have someone alive and passionate to live them out for you… but you, the one who is dead and now in the ground? you won’t be able to, it’s game over my friend.. so don’t delay, get fear into prospective and always think what’s the worst that can happen. I still feel fear but do my best to use it positively, I stand outside of my fear and I reason with it, I tussle with it, I laugh at it, as fear has come to ridicule and rob me of a life worth living.
Funnily enough we often fear the very thing that will liberate us.
As the story goes I faced my fear, a fear that was instilled by professional people “who knew best” and I went onto the Dragons Den and got the backing of James Caan who I subsequently went on to buy out 4 years later hence facing another fear of driving the business on in my own distinct way which had the effect of liberating Goldgenie and taking my fledgling company to a complete different level, power moves that changed my life forever and ever Amen.
There is nothing like having your own mind, being perfectly made up and trusting your intuition – all too often we take on other people’s opinions, fears and rigid ways of thinking, thinking that is totally against what we know to be truth and our way of doing things is put on hold for someone else’s opinion which can lead to complete ruin if not careful – free your mind and learn to think objectively, never be afraid of rejection or making mistakes which more often than not act as our masterful teachers.
As a simple exercise I urge you to do at least 3 things starting from today that take you outside of your comfort zone, for me it consists of occasionally running down the aisle of a supermarket after my daughter acting like a chimpanzee, seeking eye contact with at least 10 different random people during my day or contacting a successful business person like I did with Simon Woodroffe (Yo Sushi owner) and ask them for mentoring that incidentally helped my business grow and achieve amazing success when I launched the 24k Gold Nokia 8800 phone some years back when it was the most sought after phone that have ever been produced, my how technology has changed seeing how the iPhone has virtually made the Nokia high end phones extinct – what exercises like this will do is cause you to play the game of life on a much larger and purposeful level.
Exercise:
What 3 things can you do each day to broaden your horizons, to aid you in becoming limitless and to put fear in its rightful place?
Closing quote:
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”
Plato
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